Mayday

Alright so I am anemic meaning I have to take iron supplements every morning or risk passing out. Now here's the problem, taking those on an empty stomach is the most painful thing in the world. I vomit almost every morning due to this because I don't eat. And let me tell you vomiting up stomach acid is disgustingly unpleasant. Has anyone ever dealt with this? I have to take the pills and I want to take them without pain but I absolutely refuse to shove unneccesary calories into my body.

On a better note, I am training myself well for the summer. I am down to one meal a day, only dinner and even then I am making sure I am a calorie deficit for the day before I eat. Right now for example, I am at an over 400 calorie deficit and still have yet to eat. This is huge for me because finals are coming up soon and I usually stress eat - it's gross. And yet, here I am - well into dead week, far behind on work, and it's motivating me to stay away from food rather than go near it. Ana is awesome like that I suppose. 

I am a tad frustrated because even though I am barely eating and exercising like a beast, my weight is still the same. I'm wondering if this weight is muscle weight but it is probably just nasty fat. Also, I am open with a few of my friends about my relationship with food and they just don't seem to get it. Sometimes I just need to vent about my body. It is not cute. I am not in shape - I have fat everywhere and just because you don't see it (I dress myself hella well to hide my body) doesn't mean it isn't there. Stop silencing me every time I start to talk. I am allowed to feel bad about my body - respect me and just let me talk. If he really wanted to help me overcome this then he would take the time to figure out how my brain functions and how my thought process is on a daily basis. His absolute refusal to let me speak out is actually encouraging me to stick by Ana's side even more. She's there for me when no one else wants to hear me out. And my other friend - I'm not sure if she just doesn't understand it or is in denial about my issues, but she keeps making jokes about my not eating. Greetings fool, it's actually not that funny when you can barely handle putting food in your mouth without a complete breakdown. And by the way "you're like anorexic" is not accurate. I am anorexic. I've told you this, please remember before making stupid statements. You sound like a dumbass. 

Sorry about the rant but people are on my last nerves. And i'm sure massive amounts of stress plus really low blood sugar levels are helping. Stay strong!